No-Chicken Noodle Soup - it's convalesilicious

Yeah, I know, like you need a recipe. But in case you're not great at coming up with your own step-by-steps, or you just don't like to think, I present to you my imprecise yet fool-proof recipe for flavorful, chickeny, virus-fighting vegan chicken noodle soup.

Of course, you can use any kind of chicken substitute and stock you wish, but I highly recommended Better Than Bullion's No-Chicken Stock, which comes in a little jar at Whole Foods and places like that. And for the chicken, nothing is better than Morningstar's " chik'n " strips, which unlike many Morningstar products, are vegan.



This recipe makes a few helpings for 4 people. You'll need:

- 2 quarts of water
- 1 package Morningstar Farms Chickeny Chikkers strips (not really called that. In the freezer section)
- About half a big white onion, chopped
- A few cloves of garlic, minced
- 1 tsp dried thyme
- 1 tsp dried sage
- 1 tbs dried parsley (or replace with about half a bunch of fresh parsley
- 3-5 carrots, according to preference, cut into thin rounds
- 3-5 celery stalks, chopped
- Soup noodles - not good at measuring this, so I'll just say, as much as you think is appropriate
- Black pepper, maybe some salt

Directions:

1. Bring your stockpot to boil with the water, onion, garlic, and a few tbs of stock-goo (might want a little more than the jar tells you to use for two quarts of water; taste it as you go).

2. While the stockpot boils, you can make the pasta and "chicken." The chicken strips should be sauteed in a pan in a little oil until they really start to brown. Remember, it's not actually meat, so don't worry about them getting overcooked. As they get soft in the pan, you can break them up into smaller, more soup-appropriate pieces. When they're ready, you can put them right in the soup. They'll benefit from cooking in the stock as long as possible.

3. Cook the pasta until it's just a little too al dente. Cover it, but don't worry about it getting cold; it'll finish cooking and heat up again in the soup. As for types, I highly recommend any small, curly, hollow noodles. The holes fill up with broth when you eat the soup, which is delicious. I don't remember the name of my favorite, but you can see it, along with a piece of fuseli, below.



3. Once the soup boils, add the dried herbs and the carrots and simmer for about 5 minutes (if using fresh parsley, don't add it yet).

4. The chickens should be in by now. You can add the celery at this point and simmer the soup for 5-10 more minutes. It's really about your preference for how crunchy the carrots and celery are.



5. Duing the last few minutes of cooking, throw in the pasta. Taste a piece to make sure it has been cooked to your desired consistently.

6. Just before you turn off the heat, stir in sprigs of fresh parsley (if using). Serve and eat while watching cartoons.

Here you see my friend and roommate Klaus eating his soup in the comfort of our disgusting living room.



All gone!

Chocolate Stout Cupcakes

These are probably some of the most brutal cupcakes yet. This is less because of the theoretical presence of alcohol and more because of their insanely dark richness.

These are another winner from Isa's Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World. They call for just a little bit of stout, which by virtue of its bubbliness somehow procludes the need for soy yogurt or other faux-egg binders. Naturally, I recommend that you get yourself a six pack of something good so you can drink it before/during/after cupcake preparation.

I used Sierra Nevada's stout, which is delicious even when used as a frosty beverage. It worked nicely in this recipe, but you could surely use any variety. Just don't get lazy and use that old can of Black Label from the back of your fridge - it must be stout!




Remember, whenever you're pouring beer into a measuring cup, to make sure to put some tilt on it and pour slowly - otherwise you will end up with nothing but 1/3 cup of foam. Naturally I was impatient and screwed this up. Here's how it'll look when you get it right.



I also went for alkali processed cocoa for this recipe (also called Dutch processed cocoa), which is super dark and rich. Combined with the dark beer, this gave the cupcakes an impressively swarthy appearance, each baking up like a sugary little black hole. They were also, I should mention, EXTREMELY TASTY.



The recipe calls for a simple crumb topping, which was excellent. Still, I think I'd make them with goopy chocolate frosting next time. They are so intense that you might as well go all the way and hold nothing back. As if to emphasize this point, Chris Riggs - a guitarist in a real live metal band - can be seen enjoying a brutal cupcake below.



The cupcake has itself been brutalized.



Update: I tried these again with the cupcake book's recipe for chocolate buttercream frosting (some earth balance and vegan shortening, with cocoa, a little vanilla extract and soymilk, and a ton of powdered sugar). The result was ridiculously rich and chocolatey but not, I am told by my intrepid cupcake tasters, over the top. To be recommended!